Young, Beautiful and Awfully Shallow.

I woke up this morning feeling really fucked up. I watched the news, tried to go to work, but hung around in my flat instead and jilled off. Three times. While fantasizing about the beautiful German boy I booty called last weekend (or was it the weekend before last?). That was also fucked up. He’s about 6 years younger and still living with his parents, but you wouldn’t think so in bed. He’s very good at handling women. One of the best. No one has bowled me over this much since Alexander, and believe me I wish I could stop going on about him - I’ve long fogotten how it feels like now- but I can’t help it.

I met Casper last year in a club. It wasn’t a random thing though. He’d just moved into town and gotten to know another German guy working in the same building as I was. We were going to go to a club that evening, and he told Casper to come along. I wasn’t in a regular state of mind that evening for whatever reason, and I made out with him. Frankly I knew he didn’t really like me, for whatever reason… He’s one of the few men I meet that don’t like me the way men normally do, either as friend or lover… but I didn’t particularly care. We had sex outside later, in some garden by the river. There were people looking but trying not to look. He didn’t seem bothered by it. I was, a little, but it isn’t as if I am a stranger to public sex.

He took me back to his place (his parents are away a lot) and we did it on his dad’s bed. To be honest, if I did it on my dad’s bed, I’d feel really weird about it. Anyway, we didn’t meet up after that until a month later. Where I met him at a house party and he insisted on following me home. Which was a nice surprise. But he left at 6 in the morning, right after we’d done it. That was not nice.

I haven’t contacted him since until last weekend (or the weekend before). He called me at 1 in the morning and asked me if I was coming out. I said I would. He called me later on again to tell me that the first caller wasn’t him, some guy and taken his phone and played a prank on a few of the girls in it, and that he was really sorry it happened. But he was going to so-and-so, so I could come and meet him there if I wished.

I was a bit skeptical about my named being picked out at random, to be honest. In any body’s phone book, I’m probably one of the craziest persons in the list. Why must it have been my name? Of all the people they could have called…

I didn’t managed to catch him at the club. My phone was in the cloak room, and I missed his texts to tell me that they’d moved somewhere else. But I called him anyway, at 5 in the morning and asked if I could come over to his place. He said sure.

It was a good night. He just felt good, which was what I wanted and needed, I suppose. He was young and sexy and strong and beautiful. He must have slept for an hour before getting up claiming he had lots of work to do. I told him I’d leave him in peace after I slept for another hour to gather enough energy to head home.

Later on in the day I caught him on MSN and said “You don’t really like me when you’ve sobered up.”

He said that wasn’t true. But that sex with me was more like a sport than anything.

You know, personally I don’t find that insulting, but it is a rather blunt way to put it. I’ve had lots of sex that was “just sport”, I’m just not saying it, I suppose. Maybe it was good that he did, maybe he’s so young he expects it to be something much more for it to be worthwhile. Maybe he’ll always think this way.

I’m starting to really like younger men. Boys, rather. They can be loads of fun, and they don’t have the baggages and insecurities that older men have. Some can even be surprisingly mature, sweet and understanding. And they are beautiful.

Alexander, who is only slightly older than me, had two girlfriends several years older than he was (around their 30’s) before me. One of the first few things he said he liked about my body was that it was “fresh”. *laughs* The men I love have such tact don’t they! But that’s excatly how I feel now, on them.

I’m really sick and tired of always feeling like I’m missing something in the sexual equation. I’m young and beautiful, and I think it’s my time I had my fair share of that too.